Will I Fit In?

For anyone planning to make the move to New Zealand, the myriad of emotions, fears and thoughts that you will experience are enormous, in fact I often tell prospective clients, that next to getting married, buying your first home or having your first child - migrating will be one of the biggest events you will ever experience. It is a big deal.

Unfortunately many of those same people underestimate the impact an international relocation will have and instead tend to focus more on the logistics and financial impacts, and overlook the less obvious factors such as the process to acclimatize and settle in to your new surroundings.

I was reminded of the necessity to “fit in” on two separate occasions this week. The first instance came about having heard a radio interview where someone I know through a networking group I attend, was being quizzed on her recently published research on cross-cultural code switching - or in more simpler terms, how international medical graduates (IMGs) cope with adapting both professionally and culturally when moving from one medical system in to the system we have in New Zealand. A brilliantly produced piece of research, that obviously has a lot of relevance to the work I do.

I won’t be able to do that research much justice here, because it is incredibly thorough, but one line from an article discussing that research, stands out to me, as I believe it relates to everyone making the move:

To practise effectively, IMG’s need to adapt both professionally and culturally when they migrate. The greater the differences between the culture of New Zealand and those of IMGs, the greater the amount of adaptation needed.

Engaging with these differences and switching to a new way of doing things adds new experiences; however, where the switch conflicts with the IMG’s internal beliefs, they are likely to experience some emotional or psychological stress.

In my experience the above applies not only to medical graduates but to every migrant, in every profession, regardless of where they come from. The degree to which they will need to adapt varies (greatly) based on their country of origin, but ultimately everyone moving here needs to adapt to some degree.

The second cause for diving in to this topic came from sharing a beer (okay several beers) with a client of mine who has successfully made the move, with my help. We were chatting about a lot of things as the beer flowed, but he made the point that he accepts that he will “always be a foreigner” and for him, that’s okay. I remarked that whilst he might always feel like one, he will gradually and over many years feel less like one - and he should remember that he is not alone, because most New Zealanders either hail from somewhere else, or are the descendants of those who have migrated here previously. We are all in the same boat, some of us have just had more time in that boat.

However all of this brings me to the point that for any prospective migrant, or those that have recently arrived, the idea of “fitting in” to your newly adopted home is something that isn’t discussed enough, but is arguably an incredibly important part of the overall journey.

Jobs, Schools, Friends…

Adapting to new surrounding is something that covers every aspect of a migrant’s relocation journey, but is the one thing, often overlooked.

Fitting In?

When we talk about “fitting in” or integrating, adapting, assimilating or settling, we are really talking about a huge number of factors impacting on almost every aspect of life.

We all know what it’s like to start your first day in a new job - everything is different, people all have their own cliques and groups, there are new processes and procedures, rules and etiquette to follow and personalities to adapt to. It’s nerve-wracking but eventually we adjust and then watch as the next new arrival goes through the same thing.

Now imagine starting your first day at work in a country you have only just arrived in. Take all of the usual first-day anxiety and add to that, a completely different cultural environment, potentially different languages, and an entirely different way of working, in almost all senses of the word.

Now, if you are coming from somewhere like the UK, the US or even South Africa, the differences may be lessened - we often view the world and work in similar ways (not identical of course). Language barriers will either be less or non-existent and there will be potentially a lot more to talk about at the water-cooler. However if you are coming from somewhere like India or China, you would experience that first day very differently and for a variety of different reasons.

Arguably however everyone who moves here is going to experience some form of “fish out of water” feeling - the challenge is that for some fish, they are so far out of water they might as well be served up with a side of fries.

Many migrants struggle to integrate because of those cultural differences and also because the way we do simple, day to day things is so vastly different. If we go back to the international medical graduates, there is a very salient quote from one of the research participants:

I’m still trying to learn that it’s [directness] not always the best way. It’s just so frustrating because it just comes out … It’s kinda hard, because it’s part of your person, it’s part of your culture … it’s gotten me in trouble.

Some of my South African readers might empathise with this, because South African’s are often known for their direct approach - usually because to survive in their original environment, being direct was the only option. Bringing that directness (or other approaches) here, where people generally have a softer way of communicating can often lead to misunderstanding and conflict.

These issues don’t just revolve around the workplace either. Education can be an issue, usually for older students (younger migrants adapt more quickly in my experience) or for parents dealing with a new schooling system. Social situations can be come complex when you are trying to build friendships with people who have a very different world view or way of doing things.

Getting here, securing your Visa, finding a job (as part of that Visa process) and all the logistics involved are incredibly complex, but then once you are here the process of integrating, settling and adjusting to your new surroundings is like finding there is another Everest, once you have reached the first summit.

However, knowing its there, recognising the challenge before you have to face it, and doing even some basic research/thinking is going to make that second Everest a little easier to conquer.

Practical Ways to Integrate

Because everyone will experience this “fitting in” process differently there is no magic answer or silver bullet, but there are a few things that everyone could (and should) do as part of their migration planning. Alongside working out the budget, and packing up the family silverware, you should give some thought to what your new life is going to look, feel, smell and sound like.

One easy way to do this, is to talk to people who are already here. Many migrants move because they have family connections in New Zealand and those family connections will have plenty of insight as to what you should expect. Just remember to keep a balanced view because you will still experience it all in your own way.

If you have secured a job offer and are nervous about those first day jitters - talk to your employer and let them know. Some employers get this and are well-prepared, although for many it isn’t even on their radar. A good employer will answer that call and should do things like pair you up with someone in your first week or two, do a well thought out induction with you in your first few days (to show you the ropes) and check in regularly to see how you are adjusting. Don’t be afraid to put your hand up if you are not sure or if you just can’t figure us kiwis out.

Read up a little on this new country you are going to be living in…there is no shortage of information out there (just use a good filter) that will give you some insight as to how we tick. Sometimes just asking the questions, is enough to show people that you are trying to figure it all out and in many cases that will reduce the potential resistance you might get if you just try and bring your way of doing things in to that new environment.

It takes time - remember that this adaptation wont happen on day one, day three, or even month six. Adapting is a gradual process and every day you get a bit closer to achieving it…even though you might not realise it each day.

Lastly, don’t mistake adapting or fitting in for giving up your own cultural identity. New Zealanders (for the most part) are very accepting of new things and new people and so its often a case of taking on these new processes and approaches but also sharing your own experiences and ideas.

You Aren’t Alone

It might feel like you have just turned up to a party in fancy dress when no one else has…but you will soon discover there are plenty of other recent arrivals in the room.

If I look out of my office door, I can easily count about a third of my colleagues who were not born here, in fact of my own team, I am the only one with a New Zealand passport. Personally I celebrate that because I have a team of people that have different (often better) ways of thinking about the same issues. The world is a big place and when you move people from all over it, to one point on the map (NZ) having people who have experienced those other ways of doing things is incredibly valuable.

As a new arrival, you might feel alone, isolated and different when you first get here, but you will hopefully soon realise that there are a lot of people just like you, who have journeyed here to set up a new life, who have all gone through that same process with very similar feelings. Talk to those people, find out what worked for them and what they struggled with - shared experiences are all part of the process.

It’s A Journey

As I sat with my client last night and we discussed this “fitting in” puzzle, I couldn’t help but be reminded of how big this thing really is and of course the fact that it takes time to fit all the pieces together and to feel like you are one of those pieces, neatly slotted in to the bigger picture.

I often tell people that settling here, including the fitting in phase is like an upside down bell-curve. You start out on a high, even with all the first day jitters, because everything is new, different and exciting. Over time that then falls away and feelings of being homesick, out of your depth, a stranger in a strange land, all start to sink in (all very normal) and then eventually you rise out of the other side and fall in to a more level existence, having found your feet.

The length of time you spend in that low spot will all depend on how well you fit in and by extension, how much effort you put in before, during and after your move to adapt.

Of course its also a two-way street and I think more of us “locals” could do a lot more to understand the challenges migrants face - whether it be in the workplace, schools, the supermarket or anywhere that people do things, we could all take a bit more time to understand that the people we bring here to do the jobs that need to be done, might just need a little help to find their way around.

To anyone out there, thinking about the move and looking at starting a new life in New Zealand, I hope that this article gives you a reason to pause and think not just about the immediate concerns, but the longer term challenges of “fitting in” and that with a little thought and effort, that challenge may not be as big as it sounds.

I would also like to give special thanks to Mariska Mannes (PhD) for allowing me to enjoy and share her incredibly insightful research in this article.

Until next week!